all things new : emerging from the chrysalis

Being wholly committed

Posted on August 22, 2013February 13, 2015 by gracielynn

I’ve written before about commitment, especially how overcoming a divorce and allowing God to show me my core issues with trust has helped me recommit myself to those around me and my new husband.

Being wholly committed means to be completely sold out for something…believing in something so much that you hold fast to it, proclaim allegiance to it, and will die for it. Many people we know are soldiers in our nations’ military branches and they sign papers stating as such. In relation to God, where does being wholly committed fall? Do we worship on Sunday and then grumble when someone is taking too long to pull out of their parking space after church?

Do we share a word of Scripture with a friend in public, but then shake our head when we get off the phone with them when they need prayer?

Are we ALL IN? In poker, it means “wagering one’s stake”. Do we do that with our faith? Can we claim to be completely sold out? If so, I would venture to say that our lives would reflect it. Right?

After all, we claim to be followers of Jesus, so I’m sure anyone watching us would say our faith is evident and our lives reflect just what we say. {Are you already shaking your head because you know that couldn’t be further from the truth? 😉 }

Here’s the reality: We’re all fallen. Yep, fallen. We were held in such regard that angels admired us. God did make us with the intent of glorifying Himself in a way that angels can’t. And yet, we, through Adam, have lived with sin from generation to generation. We can’t escape it. Even though Jesus died on the cross and rose for our sins, we cannot get away from the taint of sin and its effects on our lives and the ways we affect others on this Earth.

Isaiah 1:18 promises that “though our sins were like scarlet, they will be white as snow”, but we won’t see the change until we are present with God at the end of the world when He returns. For now, it’s going to continue, and we can’t change it.

So does being a sinner mean that I can’t be wholly committed? What makes believers different? I believe the difference should be the whole title of this post: being wholly committed. And more truthfully, we need to be wholly committed to our relationship with Jesus. Because by connecting with Him, He will align our days/times/events/appointments, etc.

In the realization that He is ordering our steps, we become committed to many things: HIM, other people, the calling He has designed for us individually, sharing His gospel, loving when others don’t know how, forgiving when it’s not easy, being a listening ear for those who are hurting, etc. Being committed to those things and Jesus will show the world the difference in our lives.

We still sin and have it in our bloodline, but we have the Holy Spirit in us, who can rebuke, change, humble and convict us. Instead of giving into sin, which is what the world does, we have the opportunity to say no to it, and move on, as 1 Corinthians 10:13 assures us, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

God does not do the tempting, but He does allow it. He uses it to test us, and He provides a way out for us. The world may ask why does God test us at all? It’s because He is sharpening us, for something more than we can understand. He has given us the tools to fight Satan, but it’s up to us to use them. Following the flesh is what the world does. Following Christ is what Christians do. Allowing the Holy Spirit {who is also God and Jesus} to do His job, allows us to see the need to detour instead of walking down the wrong path.

So one of this week’s online bible study questions is: Is God calling you to a deeper commitment? My response is YES. He has and He is. He knows me so well, He knows this is going to be a challenge for me, but this is how I look at it: I tend to get overwhelmed when I do things my way (it took 33 years to accept that truth), and when I finally give up, He has always been there with the strength, grace and mercy that is necessary for me to trust Him.

Looking at my three day planners (yes, three), I have something almost every day, in almost every block. One is for school tasks, one is for my AVON business and one is for family and friend events, so we don’t overlap things. For those who say, “there’s an app for that”, I would have to tell you that I do keep track of immediate appointments that way, but looking at a constant colored schedule of what I am SUPPOSED to be doing, is quite disheartening. Many times, my appointments have run over, and I have to rearrange the time increments and it’s just too much work. It’s much easier to just cross off when complete! 🙂

Thankfully this past summer, our women’s ministry has been meeting at the lake on Wednesday evenings to talk about making time for God, and how it shouldn’t be an add-on to our day, but it should be the start. It should be penciled in. It should be a primary focus on how we arrange our time. We all have twenty four hours in a day. I know I’m always busy because of my interests and heart for people, but I’m also just human. I’ve realized I cannot be everywhere at once, and Jesus couldn’t do it either when He was in bodily form. By taking the time to go to those Wednesday meetings, I learned that I’m not the only crazy woman who needs to rest and say no to everything that begs for my time.

So the reason I know God is asking me to go deeper with Him is because I just started school again this week. There is another schedule to consider. Going back to school requires time in the books and preparing papers. It will impede my time with Him. But I have to dig in deeper with my heels because when I don’t commit fully to Him, chaos abounds. I have gotten to a good place where I focus on Him, but I know He wants more than just a 1/2 hour to an hour a day. I’m learning to let him have my whole day. That HAS to continue. I have to be wholly committed to Him.

Lysa commented in her book that,

“Radical obedience is not just following a list of right things to do. Nonbelievers can do that and call it ‘good’. Radical obedience is choosing to exchange what is ‘right’ for God’s righteousness.”

For me to SAY YES to Him, I have to be understanding that His schedule is COMPLETELY different than mine. I’m totally believing that God wants me to complete my homework assignments on time, simply because that is for school and is part of my obligation to my student loans. But I also understand that the time I waste, may need to be filled with something He desires for me to do instead, and I’ll have to be obedient. And be assured, awesome reader, that God is not being the fun police. Much of our fun is not fruitful or reflective of our love for Him and others. So, if He calls us out of something, to do something that serves someone else, He is backing up what He said in Scripture. He doesn’t contradict Himself, He proves Himself over and over again.

If you are concerned about becoming completely and wholly committed to God, I’d like to share with you Lysa’s words of truth from chapter four:

“God made us for the relationship of His perfect love. While we are not capable of perfect performance this side of eternity, we are capable of perfect love. We can settle in our hearts that we will choose God’s love and the pursuit of a love relationship with Him above all else, no matter what comes our way.”

I’m going to spend some time with God alone now, asking for His continued guidance, and help in allowing me the opportunity to see what is important and what isn’t. I desire to serve Him fully and daily I choose to reaffirm my commitment to Him. May you also be compelled to let go of all that is holding you back, and re-confirm your commitment to our Lord. He is so faithful, and is the definition of commitment. Jesus went to the grave and back to prove His love for us, surely we can give Him the time He requests. Have a blessed week!

I’m going all in!

Faith

Comfort

Posted on December 15, 2012September 18, 2025 by gracielynn

The precious dog above, is my lab/greyhound mix rescue named Bella. Her third birthday is today, and unfortunately, I also scheduled her annual vet visit (complete with vaccinations) this morning. I tend to do that for myself, just so my birthday becomes a health reminder as well.

Our morning ride to see Dr. Taylor was calm; however, as we got to the parking lot of Landings Animal Hospital here in Avon Lake, Bella looked out the window and observed another dog in the backseat of the car next to ours, and she began to whimper. I’m assuming she wanted to play because her tail went crazy and she began to whine expectantly. The owner of the dog next to us just grabbed the pet’s leash, let the dog out of the backseat, shut their car door, and went inside the building. I kept Bella in the car for five more minutes so she could calm down and so that when we did go into the vet, the other dog would be comfortably in their exam room.

When we finally entered the building, Bella and I were placed in an exam room immediately. She was weighed, and we were left to wait for Dr. Taylor with a small treat. She began to whine, sniff the floor, pace, and whine more…higher than I’d ever heard her whine. I couldn’t seem to console her, and she kept going to the door to smell underneath. I’m sure she knew there were other pooches/animals in the building.

When Dr. Taylor finally arrived, Bella got a little more antsy, but he easily hooked the slip collar over her neck and led her back to the weighing table. She went up on the table and shook. I would LOVE to know what goes through their poor little minds when we take our animals to the vet. These are not torture chambers, we swear!!

He examined Bella, felt for any nodules/fatty pockets/lumps/bumps/etc. and checked her gums. His once-over gave me comfort, as he stated that Bella was right where she should be, weight-wise, and her gums/teeth looked perfectly healthy. He asked if there were any issues, and I told him of one that we had been treating her for in the past, which finally seems to be resolving. Then he prepared to give her the vaccinations we came to get.

Bella just stared at the table she was on, looking so uncomfortable. He took the stethoscope and placed it on Bella’s chest. In an effort to calm her, I reached out and put my hand on her little head and said, “Bella, you’re my strong girl.” Dr. Taylor leaned back, pulled the stethoscope off her, and looked at me.

“When I put the stethoscope on her chest, her heart was beating a mile a minute, ” he said. “But when you reached out to touch her head, her heart immediately slowed down…amazing.”

I thanked him, and it made me realize something.

A touch means so much. It’s no secret that in our home, Bella, for whatever reason, has bonded strongly with me. When she is frightened by storms or frantic when her tummy is upset, she runs to me. She will wake me up out of a deep sleep, dig her head into my chest, and lie there until she is calmed. I love that, because I love her closeness, and I know when she is uneasy, I can give her some peace.

I’m sure you know where this is going. 😉

As a child of God, when I am anxious or when something doesn’t make sense, I seek out my Lord. After pushing away other worldly attempts to become calm, I have found that only Jesus and His Word and Presence can relax me.

Yesterday, if you had put a stethoscope on my heart while listening to the radio and the tragic news of yesterday’s loss in Connecticut at Sandy Hook Elementary, you would’ve heard my heart beating a mile a minute. Instead of feeding on the details of the massacre that has a nation searching for God in this, I turned on WCRF (103.3FM, a local Christian radio station) and listened to Chris Fabry explain that he would be veering off of his normal programming to address concerns from listeners and to pray for those affected by the evil that touched Newtown, CT.

He stated how easy it is to listen to the grisly details and focus on the intensity of the situation, but ultimately, this boils down to evil. And instead of questioning and shutting out God, we need to open up our hearts to Him and become the hands/feet of Jesus and reach out to those who are hurt/lost so that they can see/feel the light of Christ within us.

WE…yes WE believers…are the light that Jesus left behind to shine in His world. God’s Son was made manifest in the being of a human, to carry the weight of all sin, even the sin of yesterday, so that hope could renew those who are hurting. We are the ones who the lost will turn to, maybe to blame and throw out hatred since they can’t see God in the chaos. But nonetheless, we are the ones who can share a comforting word that isn’t empty, provide hope where there doesn’t seem to be any, and offer a listening ear to a person who is hurting. Service to others is the very nature of Christ, and honors our Lord when we take the focus off blame and intensifying hatred, and direct it to the one who is the great Healer.

Comfort seems to come in many ways, but the only comfort that can truly bring us to a place of peace is through Christ Jesus. When I cried yesterday listening to the news and saying, “Lord, this is a time when people may reject You. How can we show them that you aren’t to blame?” He responded with, “GO…”. And however that is seen as a necessity in your interpretation, Go…

Don’t be afraid to answer questions from unbelievers. Don’t be afraid when someone hates you because you represent the God they think abandoned them. Don’t turn and take the hate personally. Open up your heart and mind to the mind of Christ, and offer the words He puts on your lips to comfort. When someone’s heart is beating a mile a minute, your touch could bring the calm they need…and point them in the direction of their loving Savior’s arms.

May all of those affected by yesterday’s senseless tragedy find comfort in the arms of Christian believers who can offer hope. May they find renewed hope in the news of Jesus and the grace and mercy He provides. Lord, please give peace to those seeking answers. Please let the hands/feet of Jesus in that neighboring community reflect the light of Christ and encourage those who have questions/a lack of understanding/lack of hope. And if there’s anything we can do here, let us see your will and do it.

God bless everyone who reads this, and may they take Your blessing and run with it.

Faith, Family

Choices (part 2)

Posted on May 2, 2012September 18, 2025 by gracielynn

Today, May 2nd, is an anniversary for me, and a sad one. It is the day that the Cuyahoga County court gave my ex-husband and me the divorce we wanted, five years ago.

Though I was the one to physically leave the home in November of 2006, my ex-husband was the one to file paperwork in January of 2007. I had no idea what I was doing or how to go about the divorce/disillusionment. I just wanted out. He and I quickly agreed to terms (I let him keep the house because he had my dog, and I had moved to an apartment where I couldn’t have an animal), we split everything down the middle for the most part, I read through the first draft he gave me, questioned if there was any hope for us, and waited for the end date to come. While I waited, I drank Miller Lite like it was going out of style.

When the day finally arrived, it was a Tuesday. Thankfully, I wasn’t present at the courthouse. We were told only one of us had to go, and my ex volunteered. I remember the day very well. I was scheduled to tend bar that evening and had woken up late that day, around 9am. I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I felt so anxious.

Finally, my phone sang on the coffee table at the rental I was sharing with a roommate. I don’t remember the exact time, but the words were in black and white.

The text read, “You’re free, have a nice life.”

I think that’s when I started shaking. I, who had gotten sick of his verbal abuse and finally stood up to him, now all of a sudden had a shocking realization: I WAS COMPLETELY ALONE.

I had gone through moments since I’d moved out of the house, battling the confusion I had in my mind: thinking maybe we’d work things out, maybe I’d still have to chase him to bars, maybe we’d do counseling, maybe we’d have kids and they’d never know their father because he chose not to be home with me, maybe we’d learn to love each other again even though I was completely numb. I believed anything was possible with God. After all, I’d returned to church and felt renewed in my faith.

Yet, when the text came that alerted me to the freedom I’d prayed for so much, I shook with fear, thankfulness, timidity, joy, and anger.

At that moment, I freaked out. Had I done the right thing? Had I really disliked his behavior so much that I went against the commitment I had stated in front of God, family, friends?? Was this even allowed? What if my selfishness at wanting to be away from him kept me from Heaven? Doubt and fear consumed me, and I had never felt so scared in my life. The battle in my mind continued for months. And my behavior declined as I began to self-destruct.

That is one time that Satan really had a hold on me. I began doing drugs with the people who would come into the bar. A lot of the patrons were not shy about their extracurricular activities, and I finally felt “FREE” so I had no one to answer to, but myself (or did I?).

I lied to almost everyone I met. It became such a pattern, I couldn’t even keep the lies straight. I called off from work just because I didn’t want to get out of bed. When I did go to work, I went to my day job still hungover from the night before. I was working two jobs to pay my bills, and more than anything, I just wanted to die. I eventually got to a place where I was okay with my marital choice, but the shame I had caused in myself had overwhelmed me.

I met a man with whom I got along really well. We talked a lot, but I even lied to him, because I began drinking so much that my life revolved around the bar scene, and I couldn’t keep my days straight, my details, my lies, etc. I was a wreck!!

I almost lost him. My heart hurts as I remember the shock and heartache at his leaving.

I remember one morning that changed everything. He and I would go to a place by the lake that only the two of us knew about. We would go there to talk and listen to one another. Our friendship had grown over a period of eight months, and we trusted each other (or so we thought). When he showed up at my rental unannounced and assumed something had happened (which hadn’t, but with my track record of lies, I’m not sure I would’ve believed me), he sped off.

I called off work (again) and took off in my car. I went to the lake, and sure enough, found his car there. I walked to our spot, and he was just sitting there, fuming. I don’t think we talked for some time. We just both stared at the water. We didn’t sit near each other.Eventually, we had to be real with each other. We had become best friends, so we had to say something. And finally, we did.

We screamed, we argued, we cried, we laughed, we yelled some more. But eventually, we broke. We sat there holding each other, realizing our lives were both complete messes, and we had to make some serious decisions if we were going to take our relationship further.

We made a verbal commitment to each other to get rid of all the things in our lives that made us less of who we were meant to be.

We vowed to never do drugs again (and I can proudly say I haven’t SINCE), and we promised each other that we would contact one another if we ended up in a sticky situation that could turn ugly.

We became accountable to each other, and love blossomed where disgusting darkness once lived. Where I felt Satan holding on tightly to my disobedience to God, his grip began to loosen as I began to stare into the darkness without fear.

I dove into Bible study. I slowly pulled away from the bar scene. I had already quit my job as a bartender; I just had to stop going to the bar on the days that I felt bored. I prayed that God would transform my mind, as I believed Scripture says in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” I became more aware of my decisions and my choices.

I also attended a bible study at my church which was based on the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

The truths that were provided in that book helped me realize that I did have a voice, I could make my own decisions, and not everything I did had to end in shame/regret.

I began to protect my body, my mind, and my heart. I recommitted my life to Jesus Christ and walked away from a lot of the temptations that used to have a hold on me. I’m still a work in progress, but where sexual sin used to abound, it no longer even entices me. Satan lost the battle on that one.

My best friend stayed close to me, believed in me, and began to go to my church with me. His eyes were opened to the truth of the gospel, too, and he recommitted his life to God as well. He changed his harmful behavior and let the Lord open up his heart to the idea of loving again, knowing this time it would be reciprocated. We made choices that benefited our own lives, but also each other’s lives. We gave God complete control of our lives, and learned to step back and wait for His response in certain situations. The love that blossomed from the ugliness of our pasts grew into a full-blown relationship, dating season, engagement, and now a new marriage.

I trust no other man as much as I trust my husband. He has seen me at my worst and never rejected me. He loved me when I felt unworthy. He endured watching me let go of “old Grace” and rejoiced with me when I was able to get my license back, name cleared, a new job, a new car, and a new home. He stood by me when I thought all hope was lost, and he provided constant attention and encouragement. He is such a remarkable human being.

I catch myself staring at my husband every day, and in my mind, I let myself go back to one of my old memories. When he asks me what I’m thinking about, I just reply, “You,” and we both smile.

I wish every wife would take a moment to look deep into the eyes of the man they married, and remember the newness of meeting him, getting to know him, and falling in love with him. Initial feelings of lust do subside, but the longevity of love, trust, and commitment can withstand time. With time comes familiarity and a closeness that bonds us together so incredibly. And with Jesus at the helm, we are accomplishing much.

Though I divorced my first husband and felt guilt at leaving a then-hopeless marriage, could it have been saved? Knowing what I know now about the power of God, my answer is yes. Yet, I live in the present. That time is gone.

I did have to forgive myself for not believing God could restore what my ex and I had broken. I had to learn to love myself again and see myself the way God does, covered in the robes of Jesus’ righteousness. I will not rejoice that my first marriage is over, but will continue to pray for my ex-husband that he sees the need for God in his life, that he surrenders to him, so that maybe we can see each other again when this life is over (who knows, maybe even before).

And for now, I’ll be happy with the choices that brought me Kevin’s love, and the desire to know my Lord more.

Every disgusting memory I had in my old life is blurry, every unfathomable scene that haunted my mind in fear of losing God’s grace is gone, and every lie that Satan told me has been conquered with the truth of the gospel.

I’m not indestructible. I’d like to say that I conquered sin, but that was Jesus’ job, not mine. I know now to put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6) to fend off the darkness that consumes us, even though we can’t see it. We are at war with the unseen, in a struggle for power over our souls, and I am not letting Satan have me. God claimed me long ago, and I am now strong enough to stand under His protection. My choices now are to accept my past faults that led me to a new life in Christ, accept the forgiveness for my sin and the redemption of my life from my Heavenly Father who fought for me, and accept the outpouring of love from a man who overwhelms me with his adoration.

Faith

Seeing purpose through pain

Posted on March 13, 2012February 13, 2015 by gracielynn

Fellow Bible readers: How many times do we read passages in the Bible over and over, but just once we seem to read it differently and where there once were just words, suddenly there are intricate jewels that are aimed directly at our hearts?

While reading a passage from Scripture this morning, my eyes were opened to an incredible characteristic about our Father.

In 2 Peter 3:9, the passage begins, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is PATIENT toward you…”. I couldn’t even read on. The light bulb went on!

I want to share with you two revelations I had.

My first thought was the countless times I perceived God as being slow. Many times in self-righteous anger I had cried out, “What is taking so long?!” I was also reminded of other times when Christian friends talked about making a difficult decision, but were still undecided because they felt God wasn’t answering their prayer.

We’ve all been there. Don’t we initially blame God when things don’t happen the way we want them? But oh when they do–to our unbelieving friends, we proclaim the goodness of God and miracles, answered prayers, yada yada yada…it seems we’re ready to parade Him when the outcome is what we want, not so much when we are told to wait. We really need to check our hearts and be careful of how we “sell” Jesus. That is certainly not His intended goal.

Let’s take a look at something about God we may have never noticed before. In the above passage, it begins with the Lord. God wrote the Bible using humans. He took the time to speak to all of us and state that He is very aware of our desire for him to “speed things up”. How do we know this? He stated how some count His being slow as slowness. He is not a fool. We are the created beings.

However, He also clues us into something more detailed about Himself. He elaborates to say where we consider Him to be slow, it’s not that He’s taking his sweet, old-time delighting in our agony. He is actually being patient.

So what is so significant about this revelation? Before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s break that down. What does patience mean? We’re usually waiting for someone or something, right? So where we’re becoming impatient and restless, God is being patient…for who? US! He isn’t moving or fulfilling requests like a genie because He has a well-developed and thought out plan! Imagine that!

Are you feeling as humbled as I am now? I can remember so many times that I’ve doubted God heard my cry, but maybe, just maybe He was waiting for ME to do something. This reminded me of a time that I didn’t understand where my life was headed, and I was getting tired of waiting.

I was twenty-one years old and hating life because I had found out that my boyfriend of two years had allegedly cheated on me with a married friend of ours. The pain I felt inside was pure anguish. I uplifted this guy and thought so highly of him. Maybe it was the “idea” of him, and not his true self that I was worshipping, but nonetheless, the hurt was unbearable.

I was working at an office in Broadview Heights then and I was on a break all by myself in the back of the office, facing the woods. It was snowing outside and I was freezing, but at the time I was a smoker.

I hadn’t had a serious relationship before this man, and in my fear of being alone, I didn’t want to leave him, though I knew I deserved better. I was scared, because he was five years older than me, and I didn’t have the best self-image. I figured it would be best to talk it out with him, forgive him and move forward, but the anger of betrayal kept eating at me, and I was afraid I would never be able to trust him again.

Somehow in the midst of trying to think about how to solve my relational conflict, a voice inside me said, “Maybe you should just end it.” And I knew the voice wasn’t talking about my relationship, but more severely ALL of them….as in, my death.

Then I began to think about it…car accident, slit wrists, etc. How would I do it? I can’t even believe that I was entertaining details about how to die, because I knew I could never do it, however facing my boyfriend and our mutual friend was the hardest thing I’d ever faced, and I knew mentally I wasn’t ready for it. Instead of dealing with the hurt, I wanted OUT.

Bear in mind, I realize the selfishness of these thoughts left no room to consider my parents, siblings, friends, etc. I wasn’t worried about how my death would affect anyone else. I just didn’t want to deal with my relationship. Looking back, it’s absolutely absurd.

And as I was contemplating all of these crazy ideas that I’m certain now was one of Satan’s deliberate attacks on my soul, it began to snow slowly. I was still standing outside, half of a cigarette to go, watching the snowflakes land on cars, trees and eventually my coat sleeve.

I began to cry, because I didn’t know what to do, and my feeling of being helpless was overwhelming. I took another hit off the cigarette and then looked down at my brown Carhartt coat.

All of the snowflakes were beautiful.

I laughed to myself. How could I find beauty in these flakes? And inside my soul, I heard another voice, again-not my own, say, “I make each of these different for a reason.”

I almost choked. I coughed a few times.

And I took a few minutes to see the designs and patterns of these crazy, beautiful snowflakes before they were absorbed into my coat. I put out my cigarette and just let out the cry that was at the corner of my eyes.

I knew it was God telling me that He knew my problem seemed so enormous at that moment, and I was unprepared, but in the scope of my life, that one moment learning about the betrayal would not define me.

My Lord did.

He designs snowflakes so distinctly and unique from each other. I am not sure if I ever took the time to pay attention to that fact, but God sure had my attention that day.

I was a new believer. I had just given my life to God when I was twenty, and was still not fully surrendering all parts of my life to Him. But I knew of His presence and I definitely knew His voice. That day, I stopped the thoughts of suicide in their tracks. That is the only time I ever considered something like that, and am thankful that God made it snow. He took a situation that I deemed overwhelming and unbearable and gave me purpose.

I went home, talked with my boyfriend, forgave him and told him that we had to cut ties with those “friends” if we were going to stay together. I also told him that I had trust issues and was scared. Forgiving him and starting over at that point didn’t save us from a divorce six years later, but it definitely started a course of action in my heart that I would depend on God and choose to see the designs and intricate patterns of His creation–including myself.

The second revelation I noticed in the passage listed above is the purpose of that passage. Second Peter chapter three talks about the end of days, or the day that the Lord returns. To state in verse nine, that God is “not slow to fulfill His promise” means that He will not return until everyone has had a chance to hear of His love and mercy.

He is being patient in not wanting anyone to perish, but for everyone to have an opportunity to see Him through general revelation and meet with Him through special revelation. He has revealed Himself, as Romans 1:20 tells us. He definitely has constructed a well-maintained world that He is a part of, and He still interacts with. However, He is promising that the reason He hasn’t come back yet is because there is still work to be done on our parts. We are to continue to spread the message (Matthew 28:16-20) and when everyone has heard, through God’s patience, He will return to collect His children.

God does indeed love all of us. John 3:16 tells us that He loves us so much that He gave His only Son Jesus Christ, a part of Himself, yet completely separate, to come to the Earth and die for us. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a picture of the Milky Way, but it’s where we live. For some reason unbeknownst to us little Earthlings, God chose this planet and our people (red, yellow, black and white), to be saved from the lives we didn’t choose through sin.

This amazing God who created the universe, the stars, planets, people, species, water, atmosphere, etc. is the same God who is calling you to know Him. He wants you to see what He’s doing, He wants you to see love in His people and come to know the truth about true love. I live in the United States and unfortunately here, a lot of us are blessed beyond measure but we take it for granted. We have so much, and yet still want more.

Jesus didn’t die for us to have happy lives and live until we die with no use for anyone else. He died and rose so that we could see the power of God through the defeat of death! Without death to fear, WHAT IS THERE TO FEAR!? NOTHING! May you know Him and the power of His love. Remember that He isn’t slow in anything, but He may be patient because He has a purpose…one that includes YOU.

Faith, Family

Choices (part 1)

Posted on February 3, 2012September 18, 2025 by gracielynn

Our pastor made an interesting statement in a sermon last week that my mind has replayed, so I’m going to share it today. At Church of the Open Door in Elyria, we’re in a sermon series about “Arrested Development” which basically is awakening ourselves to when our spiritual life is at a halt, and then doing something about it.

Pastor Jim’s statement was, “We are where we are today because of the choices we’ve made…”

Maybe you’ve heard someone make that claim before, or have even said it yourself. It’s acceptance of reality, at this point in time. In any self-analysis, we are evaluating ourselves completely naked (and Christ-followers are called to do it quite often). And though it almost seems redundant or obvious to say that we are who we are because of what we’ve done or chosen to do, it is a fact that we ARE a product of our choices.

Figurative forks in the road are common. Choices occur daily, whether it’s standing in the closet determining what sweater will keep you the warmest today, standing in the line at a coffee shop debating between a chai latte or a cafe mocha, or driving to work and questioning whether to take a shortcut since traffic is at a slow crawl.

We make choices by the minute, and though the statement itself doesn’t seem to draw any dramatic conclusion, let’s walk through a self-evaluation I did recently.

Five years ago, I was bartending as a result of a layoff and working days/nights/whenever I could to get cash to pay bills. My divorce wasn’t yet finalized, but my ex-husband and I were living in two separate locations. I was torn between two worlds. I was praying about where to attend church because I missed the stability that had brought my life in the past, yet also drinking so heavily that I would pass out almost every night. I was a real mess, and to be honest, my choices were based on the moment. I was selfish and solely focused on Grace (my actual first name), not the grace of God that I so desperately needed.

Fast forward to NOW. Present day, I’m newly married, have two amazing stepdaughters, two supportive families, loving and hilarious friends, and a husband who is a gift! He truly balances who I am.

I am now attending church regularly and feeding on the Word of God during the week without prompting. I am aware of my sin, my need for grace and forgiveness, and I write when the ideas come. I am a student who, in four years (Lord willing), will have the skills to counsel others, with more knowledge than God has already given me. Things have definitely rebounded. But how did I get here?

Simply? My response was surrender. I chose to give up. Five years ago, I was focused on myself and getting by. I now know that I have obligations to myself, my Lord, my husband, and my family. Jesus has transformed my priorities. And it’s a daily process of shredding my flesh and walking in the Spirit. I still CHOOSE to give up.

I surrender daily to God to show a surrendered life and to represent Christ to a hurting world. I can’t do that if I’m drinking myself into oblivion or disregarding my sin. Where I used to drive straight to the bar to meet up with my “chosen family”, I now patiently sit in the Avon High School parking lot to pick up my stepdaughter. Just seeing her emerge from the building brings me more joy than a cold beer ever did after a long workday.

No longer is my life about drowning in sadness and self-pity. It’s now serving others, because by doing so, my heart begins to overflow.

One of my greatest achievements is becoming a stepmom. When I was younger, I chose to marry someone to have a family with them. That didn’t work out, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. We weren’t compatible and certainly chose to look past the warning signs (another choice that led to where I am now).

In marrying my current husband, I’ve acquired two teenage daughters. He and I talked at length about having a family of our own, and decided we are content with our life where we’re at (another choice). In time, when the girls are older, we’d like to serve in missions (another choice), and having a child at this point will change that dream. Unless God has other plans, we’re fine with helping the girls decide on their future (yet another choice…see the pattern?), and then we’ll see where God moves us.

My greatest joy is helping to shape these young women’s lives. It’s a high calling. Because of Kevin’s life choice, we (the girls and I) are now a part of each other’s lives. I know when my husband asked me to marry him, there was no hesitation on my end. I knew this guy was the top of the line, and I felt peace in just being in his presence!

But accepting a marriage proposal from someone who already has an established family can be scary at first. In the past, I never saw myself loving someone else’s kids. I’ve heard before that, “No young woman ever wakes up and says, ‘When I grow up, I want to be a stepmom. ‘” And truly, that had never been a consideration of mine until I was divorced and actively dating. I didn’t know of anyone happy in their step-situation. I had heard horror stories from friends who had divorced parents, and I never gave much thought to the heartache and anxiety that divorce produces. If anything, when I said yes to Kevin, I thought I had signed up for heartache for the rest of my life. But that hasn’t been the case, a relief to all sides! I chose to commit to the girls, too.

The reality is that I didn’t give birth to them. I didn’t change their diapers or dress them, teach them how to eat/drink/talk/write, etc. But I have influence in their lives now. That is a choice I am most proud of. Of course, I could decide to be selfish and live for myself…after all, they’re not my blood children. But I simply can’t live like that. Because of my marriage and my commitment to God and my husband, they ARE my children. I have just as much of a commitment to them as I do to their father. I have acquired them by marriage, but will never abandon them. They ARE my life now.

The choice to remarry was a huge one, as well as to marry someone with children. There is an ex-wife still present and I had to accept that this woman will be in my life for the rest of my life. I had to accept that this was already an existing family, and I could be rejected.

We are where we are today because of the choices we’ve made. And I’m grateful!!

Faith

Taking chances

Posted on November 4, 2011September 18, 2025 by gracielynn

Five years ago today was a sunny, cool Saturday in North Olmsted, Ohio. I was twenty-six years old and scared, yet excited. Around ten in the morning, I was standing in the living room of the house that my husband and I had bought two years earlier, and was starting to move boxes into cars and trucks of family members and friends. All of my belongings had been stacked into the corner of the room for quick and easy loading. I was moving into my new apartment down the street. My husband knew that I was leaving him, so he went to work that day. He was still in shock that I had signed a lease to move out. I knew he didn’t hate me, but he wasn’t supporting my decision. It meant we would have to admit we truly had marital problems. So, at my insistence, we were going to attempt a separation. To me, it was the Christian solution to an unhealthy marriage, to see if we could salvage any part of our seven-year relationship.

After sipping some coffee to get started, my mother, sister, and brother-in-law helped me load up their vehicles. Two really good friends grabbed furniture and loaded a pickup truck. We worked tirelessly until every piece of furniture was in the apartment, and then everyone left me to unpack. Within four hours, everything I owned was in my new apartment, and I was free from my husband. That last sentence might sound puzzling to some, but to me, it is justified. I was in so much emotional pain.

The feelings I had in that initial first moment alone were incredible. I was frightened, fearful, and doubtful. Had I made the right choice? I was also excited because I knew some friends were taking me out that evening to celebrate my new step, but I was also feeling sorry for my husband. He would return home to an empty home and hardly any furniture. It would be a new step for him, too.

My now ex-husband and I had many differences, and we had allowed alcohol and distrust to separate something that quite possibly could have been something of value. He was controlling and manipulative. He was insecure in his own skin and overbearing. And the worst part was that he didn’t see it, nor did he want to address it. I, too, had a laundry list of sins that I was working through and some that I was also not addressing, and it was just a toxic environment. Something had to give.

I had to leave to grow.

I felt sheltered and stepped on. I was insecure as a result and completely empty. I believed in God and knew that He loved me, but I wasn’t living a noble life, nor was I proud of the shell I had become. Leaving my husband to seek some peace was my first step at doing something out of the ordinary, and I was hoping to have a resolution with my then-husband. I figured time apart would heal wounds, create love where there wasn’t any, and maybe God could fix us.

In the weeks that followed, my husband would call me to tell me that he was so alone, that he couldn’t go on without me, that it was hard to live…and for a while, I believed him. Three weeks after I had moved out, he invited me out to have a drink with him (it was his 32nd birthday) and we talked. He was still remorseful for his controlling behavior, for his lack of knowing how to love me, and for his lack of trusting in God.

My biggest complaint was his need to get affirmation from his coworkers, who had drinking problems. His desire to be like those guys made him spend evenings after work with them, and over time, he abandoned me and our marital dreams of a family. He chose them over me and broke our covenant. I was forgiving, but also run down from the mental and verbal abuse over the years. His words meant nothing to me at this point. I told him that I wasn’t seeing anyone, that I was still faithful, and that I was hopeful that our half-year apart would be fruitful and not without some merit. My goal was to restore the relationship over time.

I had just been let go from a job due to a lack of work for me, and was waiting for unemployment to kick in. I didn’t ask for money from him, even though he was still financially liable for me. I sat next to him at the bar, watching his mouth move, but inside I felt so sorry for this person I once thought would be the father of children I was certain the Lord would bless us with. As he played his game of trying to woo me back to the house so that we could “kiss and make up”, I remember feeling a strength inside of me that I didn’t know I had, and for the first time, I stood up before he did, said, “No thanks”, and just left. It was his birthday, and I’m sure he felt I owed him something, but I was beginning to change internally. God was working in me, and even though I wasn’t constantly aware of His presence, I knew that I was spiritually protected. Walking down the stairs of that bar, leaving him with his mouth open, was priceless.

Two weeks later, when I thought we were going to meet to go over the separation paperwork, he invited me to the same bar to talk (I probably should’ve been skeptical at that point), and as I entered the establishment, a blond girl was sitting extremely close to him, with her hand on his mid-thigh. I was taken aback and was caught completely off guard. I sat down next to his friend and ordered my beer. It was awkward to say the least. These two guys had gotten off work, met up with a woman who was comfortable enough with my husband to stroke his thigh, and I was obviously the soon-to-be-ex-wife. I was the outcast. Why was I sitting there with them at all??

Then a light went on for me. This was his way of showing me that he could move on. I realized we would not be speaking about lawyers or separation terms at all. I proceeded to drink beers (many of them) and do shots with the bartender. I said some things I didn’t need to, but it didn’t matter. My husband and this woman got up to leave, and so did his friend. I could hardly see straight, I was so angry. I kept drinking while they left. Then I started drunk texting him some horrible things. I became self-destructive. And I let Satan win that night.

After probably six drinks and multiple shots, I drove (assumedly all over the road) to the house that I had moved out of a month prior, threatened his new girlfriend, and asked her to leave since my name was still on the house. She refused, and I grabbed my ex and physically pushed him against the side of the house and told him that he didn’t know who he was messing with. He was three inches taller than me, and at least seventy pounds heavier. He looked scared, and I was asked to leave, so I got into my car, peeled out of the driveway, and drove back to my apartment a complete wreck.

That night, I cried myself to sleep. I realized that I was the one who wanted out of the marriage. I was the one who left. I had chosen to rent another residence so that we could repair what we had built. I believed he was able to be trusted and that he was still being faithful to me.

I, however, was the only one who wanted a commitment that would last.

And for the first time, I also sadly realized that I had chosen a man who didn’t want anything I’ve listed. He was simple and only wanted a woman on his arm. And because I was asking for him to consider my feelings and goals, I was in shock because he had replaced me within a month’s time frame.

There was a woman in my house, lying next to my husband, who had a Harley in MY garage parked right next to his. I could never compete with that. That would never be me. I wasn’t that type of girl. I was a Christian who wrote short stories, downloaded music, met up with friends for drinks here and there…I would never be the barhopping wife he wanted who would help him please his ego. He had chosen what he wanted, and since he couldn’t control me anymore, he moved on.

And the next morning, I woke up to a restraining order. This quiet Christian woman, who just wanted peace, had created havoc the night before, and now was being told to not return to the home my name was still legally attached to. I was never violent with him; my words are my sharpest weapon. What had I done? And yet, it was a wake-up call I needed.

I write all of this to help myself see the difference in who I was five years ago, and to reassure myself that even though my intention to leave my husband was initially temporary, it was also the step I needed to see who he truly was. We screamed and argued for years. We dated for six full years before getting married, and I still chased after him for a year and a half even after obtaining his last name. The man didn’t want a devoted wife; he wanted a trophy. He wanted someone who would dress provocatively so that it would draw attention to him.

I wasn’t that woman. I still am not that woman. I didn’t/don’t need public affirmation. I just wanted a home with a dog and a family. I wanted to write and serve God and do things with family. He wanted parties every weekend with friends sleeping over, so we could rehash the craziness of the night before after we woke up with hangovers. We were living two different lives under the same roof, and I was oblivious because of my dreams (delusions?).

I believe I fell in love with the idea of being in love with him, but not who he was. I’m not the first woman to do that, and I won’t be the last. But we really need to know these things before entering into relationships with men. They don’t need the expectations, and we don’t need the heartache. We need to step into relationships when we know that the man is a man of God who will treat us as God would. Or the best he can, this side of Heaven.

I also write this as a way of therapy. This morning, waking up and looking at the date, I am reminded of my independence. I am reminded of my family reassuring me that God would forgive my divorce because I was biblically released, that I would be blessed for leaving an unhealthy marriage, and for starting over so that Christ could live in me and manifest Himself through my life without fear of what my ex would think. I wanted to grow spiritually. Living in that home, I was never able to do that.

I made many mistakes. I drank a lot. I smoked more cigarettes than I had in years. I craved the bar scene and couldn’t stand to be alone in my apartment. I worried about my ex, what he was doing, what he wasn’t doing, etc. I filled my hours with beer, “friends”, and “friends with benefits”. Some nights, I was alone; other nights, I let the alcohol numb me, and I shared myself with a few men in drunken situations because it filled my carnal needs. Total shame.

Thankfully, over time, I developed the realization that I was a person of value. I was/am a child of God, and God desired for me to be loved, but not like that- not in the arms of men who wanted my body but who didn’t care for my soul. It has taken five years to let God revitalize the shell of who I was, and I am forgiven. I am new. It feels awesome to write that!!

I took a chance to save my marriage, but six months after I left, I lost it. My ex-husband and I finalized by May, and my name was off the house as of 7/7/07.

The road I’ve walked to get to where I’m at now is paved with a lot of tears, bloodshed, regret, and sadness, but during that time, I was being renewed through Christ. I lived on my own for a time, worked some bartending jobs, and met a lot of new people. I never got an STD or ended up pregnant. I put myself in some scary situations and had to learn how NOT to tell lies. Slowly over time, I was growing in the Scriptures. I learned the value of communication. I learned to love others. By April of 2007, I was going to a church in Elyria, Ohio.

I craved God. I craved being around people who would help me instead of help me hide my pain. I struggled with drinking the moment I left my ex-husband. I got a DUI three months after leaving him. I spent a weekend at a hotel as part of my sentence. I met a man who was a great friend, but who had his own issues. I started a new job. I started dating said friend and began to learn many new things. I had a love for cooking and being in the kitchen. My brother and his wife had a new baby girl, and I was craving time with them. I began to spend more time with my parents. I was reading my Bible. I was broke at times, and rich at others. But the entire time, God was changing me and renewing me.

Reading Joel chapters 1 and 2 gave me a perspective of God’s great love for us. Yes, US…every single one of us, who has walked (sometimes stumbled in a drunken stupor) off the path, and questioned His greatness, His presence, His judgement, His love…HE LOVES US. He is slow to anger and abounding in love.

I was a wreck when I almost had a second DUI. I had to spend another weekend in a hotel for 72 hours and attend the same program. The coordinator of that weekend class was in awe. He remembered me. His first question was why I was there and why I would attend the same class again. Had I learned nothing? I remember sitting across the table from him, saying that I did indeed learned something, and I was on the road to recovery. I had taken chances by walking away from a marriage, I had taken chances on drugs and alcohol, and I had taken chances on people I knew would leave me the next morning. I was ready to take a chance on love and hope. The coordinator said he was proud of me, and I walked out of that hotel a changed woman back in September 2008.

I’ve rededicated myself to Jesus Christ. I am a sinner who was once lost, but MAN have I been found! I still mess up. My words are still my worst weapon. But I am aware. I am now a wife and stepmother who knows the meaning of selflessness all too well. I am simply me, and I have forgiven my ex-husband. I have forgiven myself, and I have forgiven my past. I have married again simply because I believe in love, forgiveness, trust, and hope. And I believe my new husband believes the same. He is a man of God who has taught me much.

I guess through all of these ramblings, what I would like you to take away from it is if you are ever uncertain on whether to take a step, take the chance. I’m not saying to walk away from your marriage or a job because you get mad at it. But I am saying that if you are feeling that something is out of place, it’s okay to question it. It’s okay to step out in fear, but end up leaning on Everlasting Arms. Life is a risk. Love is out there. Fear halts us and removes hope, but Jesus gives life. He restored the years the locusts had eaten, and then some…simply because I took a chance…

Family, Stepfamily

Newlyweds

Posted on November 2, 2011October 9, 2025 by gracielynn

Had to share this picture!!

My best friend and partner in life asked me to marry him in August 2010, and we were wed on Friday, September 16, 2011, in Port Clinton, Ohio. We spent a weeklong honeymoon at a wonderful resort in Cancun, Mexico, following the ceremony.

We’re both excited to see how God will use us through this new covenant, and we’re honored to have found each other and to learn from one another daily. I love him so much and am so happy!!

Faith

Committed

Posted on December 30, 2010September 18, 2025 by gracielynn

I recently heard a Christian song on the radio that mentioned how God is committed to changing us to be more like Him. Wait…reread that statement. “God is committed…” Did you see it too? Yeah, the word COMMITTED stood out. I tilted my head (as I often do when a very interesting thought captures my attention) and then I turned down the radio and started to talk with God about it. I continued driving down the freeway, and I reviewed what the word commitment means.

Commitment is a term that shows loyalty. Whoa…God is committed?? To us? To me? When do we ever think of God like that? We tend to view our commitment as believers through attending church, loving others, reading our Bibles, and spending time in prayer with God. I don’t believe I’ve ever considered how committed God is to me. I’m sure it’s inferred in the life of a Christian, and yet expounding on the idea was intriguing to me.

Being committed means to be “wholeheartedly dedicated”. It also entails being determined to see an end result. Does that mean that God never gives up on us? Sounds like it. Let’s research this grand idea even further.

Godly marriages are the best example of people who are in committed relationships. I say godly marriages because many people can get married today, and yet, God came up with the idea of marriage, and He designed the institution to represent the complete picture of a union acceptable to Himself. I’m not inviting a debate on the tolerance of America’s idea of marriage. I’m simply going by the truth of Scripture. We’ve obviously seen in today’s society a lot of marriages fall apart that didn’t have God at the core of their union. In a marriage where God is reigning along with the husband and the wife, there is a picture of leadership and submission, trust, love, and true completeness. The husband and wife devote themselves to each other and are wholeheartedly dedicated. Of course, there are temptations and Satan desires to destroy these unions, but because God is at the center, all of his advances are thwarted. These are the marriages that represent what God designed.

Without getting off on a tangent (stick with me), I believe the true intimacy and devotion that marriage affords is a gift from God and the best marriages are those in which both parties of the covenant understand and agree to work at their union together with God’s help. They realize they cannot complete the faithfulness factor apart from God. Commitment realizes that errors are made, but forgiveness reigns. Forgiveness…ah, there’s one of those church words. What does that mean? True forgiveness is dismissing a wrong for the sake of healing and letting the Holy Spirit work in our lives to restore relationships; first with God (Mark 11:25) and with each other (Matthew 18:15-20) . It doesn’t mean the error is completely forgotten. It means it is dismissed for the sake of letting God restore and letting healing take place. Over time, the error is simply forgotten about, and love replaces the anger. If you struggle with forgiveness, you are not alone. But may I suggest a relationship with the God of the universe? He is the ONLY ONE who can work out the act of forgiveness in all of our lives. Don’t believe me? Try to do it without Him. Yeah, He’s a very vital piece.

Anyway, back to my original thoughts on commitment: God in His perfection is committed to changing us to be more like Him. Let’s think about that. Didn’t He create us and allow sin to enter the world? How is it our fault that we’re broken then? Let me share with you my understanding.

God, in His great and infinite wisdom, and righteous and justified love, chose to redeem us from our fallen nature and He designed the timeline for that to happen (i.e. By sending Jesus at just the right time in history with King Herod Antipas as king over Judea, by choosing the time period for Jesus when crucifixion was the method of torture and death in the Roman world, and by deciding to allow humanity to either accept or reject the truth of Jesus’s death and resurrection).

But why is He determined to change us? We’re all good people, right? We take care of each other, laugh and have fun with friends, go to work or school, obey our bosses and parents, serve on teams and committees, etc. I’m sure a few of us have helped a few old ladies across the street. So, why are we in need of being changed?

The answer is simply because of our fallen nature. We are full of sin. We cannot escape it. It is a part of our heritage and is passed down from parent to child without an option to choose otherwise. See Romans 5:12-13 and 5:18 for clarification on the Adam/Jesus parallel. Through one man (ADAM), sin is carried through the bloodlines of each person until death. It’s part of our curse. And just the same, through one man (JESUS), salvation became available to all who hear and accept the word of God (in the work of Jesus on the cross). Condemnation becomes redemption…amazing!

I understand the fall, the curse, and how Jesus’ death and resurrection has saved all believers. But the more I read Scripture, I become aware of the thoughts of those who don’t want to be changed by God. Believe it or not, some humans don’t want God to be committed to them.

“But that’s insane,” a fellow imaginary believer cries out, “we need His intervention in our lives.”

And believe me, I’m with you in that thought process.

The reason these people don’t want His commitment is that commitment always requires WORK. The people who wish to overlook their fallen state look at their monetarily successful lives and see nothing wrong. They are happy and allegedly content with the things they’ve bought, the hours they put in at their children’s schools to look good, their comments at business meetings and church gatherings, and all the charity work they do because they want to be seen as leaders in their community, and they honestly see nothing wrong with how they’re living.

Second Corinthians 4:4 talks about how the minds of unbelievers have been blinded so they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ. From that perspective, why shouldn’t God want to change them?

The truth is that whether we are living for ourselves or living for Him, our lives mirror what we worship. We do this daily, sometimes completely unaware. Every day, your behavior tells a story. And the truth of the matter is that God wants to be included and to be part of your decisions and solutions. To say that you don’t want to be changed because your life is going along swimmingly the way you’re running it is to say that God is irrelevant and unnecessary. You may think you don’t need God because you’re doing just fine, but that is a very deadly mindset, my friend.

And even as I write this, I will admit my struggle with changing in some areas. I am a beloved daughter of God, freely accepting the grace being offered to me, and yet I still act like a child whose favorite toy was taken away. This is completely unacceptable behavior. Could my life truly be an example of a life in need of His grace? I would say so.

I accept my fallen state and that my heart is dark even as I continue to grow in the Spirit. I am coming into the light. There is a part of me that is very aware that I will struggle with sin every day of my life. But the one thing that allows me to turn from all the pain, anger, bitterness, and heartache is the truth that my Lord and Savior invites me to accept the fact that He is COMMITTED to restoring me.

He knows my desire to change, He knows my heartache, He knows my sin, and still wants me to walk in the grace and truth I accepted from Him. He is telling me that it is a process, not an overnight ordeal, and that He is willing to take as long as necessary to change me from within.

The beauty, though, is that I’m not working to achieve salvation. I received that gift years ago and am reassured in Scripture that nothing can separate me from God’s love (Romans 8:38-39) and no one can ever take me from His hand (John 10:28). Though I will always deal with sin, I am not alone. The Holy Spirit resides inside of me, and He will continue to work through me, but my eternal life started the moment I accepted the free gift of forgiveness and grace from God, believing the Gospel truth that He paid my debt.

The life of a Christian is a journey. Many of us call it a “walk” because every day is another step toward furthering His Kingdom. Every person on earth is seeking answers and determining their place in this world-that goes without saying.

But to know that the Creator of the world wants to intimately know you better and that He is committed to changing you from the inside out should not scare you, but give you the love you wish. You are His child whom He loves and whom He wants to make into what you were meant to be! Apart from Him, we’ll never be acceptable to God. The sad truth is that if you do desire to be alone and to do things on your own, He will respect your wishes. Please don’t turn from Him. You are empty because you are supposed to be. Only God can complete what He originally started. Without Him, you will always feel that void.

My prayer is that you will not be a commitment phobe, but that you will take a step of faith and understand that your life is precious to God. You may already be on the path to changing other people’s lives for His glory, but you still feel empty. Accept that He does love you the way you are, but wants to make you even more. Will you let God be committed to you?

I can’t think of another way to thank Him for what He did for me at the cross than to let Him be committed to restoring me, and for me to fully give myself back to Him.

Faith

HE IS RISEN!! ALLELUIA!

Posted on April 12, 2009April 5, 2015 by gracielynn

I woke up this morning and the tears just fell…I know it’s Easter morning and my spirit is rejoicing today because I know I’m free!! One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Matthew 28: 1-10,

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”

Jesus did just as He said He would. And in Luke’s account, He states how two of the disciples were walking on the road to Emmaus and were actually discussing with Jesus (though they didn’t know it at the time it was Him) and their understanding of His death. They were questioning where His body was and Jesus rebuked them saying they were foolish. Didn’t they know that Christ had to suffer those things to bring His Father glory? My Quest Study Bible says in the sidebar that the reason Jesus called them foolish was because they were so caught up in their dreams of the Messiah establishing an earthly, political government that they missed His true intent: to rule the world through Spiritual power.

Continuing on in the story, Jesus then went to their house with them and after breaking bread with them, revealed to them who He was. God opened their eyes and they knew He was among them! (Luke 24:13-35)

My heart has been singing for the last hour because I know I’m free. The Bible also states that each believer should, “…Set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Peter 3:15)

I know the reason for the hope that I have. I was lost and am now found. I was blind, but now I see. Those words from the hymn “Amazing Grace” resonate within me so deeply because I know who I could’ve become if I’d stayed who I was, but now my life has meaning to it. I have a purpose and God has a plan for me. He disciplines those He loves, and I welcome those healthy boundaries so I can be under His protection. I delight in Him and am honored to be His child. Jesus rose from the dead to provide a way for me to go to the Father. Before I would’ve been TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE in my rags of sin and cloths of shame. But He dressed me in Himself and presented me to God to say, “She is mine.”

Good Friday was good because Jesus became human and died a human death to conquer death. He fulfilled the prophecies of the Old Testament and rose three days later to prove that He was (is) who He said He was. Nothing else is required by Him or us. The door is open to God and we can go to Him directly. We are free indeed! My chains are gone, I’ve been set free!

May you go forward and live as people of light. We are no longer restricted by the darkness, but are free in Christ!! That is certainly cause for celebration! If you were walking in darkness (1 John 1:6), I pray for you today, that you may walk in the light and be transformed! YOU ARE NOW ACCEPTABLE TO CHRIST!!

May He dwell in you richly! I love you.
God be with you and may He bless you!

Faith

Hey there…how are ya?

Posted on March 6, 2009September 18, 2025 by gracielynn

Hello all…this is my first blog and I just want to say hi and thanks for stopping by. The majority of my writings here will be for self-reflection and to see how God has been a part of my life. Some days, I like to look back and see the road that I’ve traveled.

Currently, I’m 29 years old and living in an apartment in North Olmsted, Ohio. A ruined marriage by both parties due to lack of maturity and lack of commitment led me to make life decisions I thought I’d never make, and I chose to drown myself in a lack of reality. I also wandered quite far from the safety net of being under Christ and learned some of the repercussions of having done so. Thankfully, God didn’t leave me in the pit where I put myself. 🙂

I was reading the book of Philippians in February and was awakened to verses 12 and 13. Growing up in a Christian home, I knew Philippians 4:13 by heart. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” However, I had never paid attention to the preceding verse, about being content; knowing what it is to “have plenty” and knowing what it is to be “in want”. That made me stop and think a bit.

I’m glad I did.

I would’ve missed the statements that I am allowed to claim for myself. (And you too…)

I have been in both situations ever since I left my ex-husband. God has never failed me. I am claiming these verses because I know very well that I’m undeserving of Christ’s love and forgiveness, but HE STILL LOVES ME. AND He still wants to use me. It took some time for me to realize this. I’ll explain below.

A defining moment in my spiritual understanding came around March 2007. I had been laid off from a medical billing company in Middleburg Heights due to “lack of work” a week after leaving my husband. Trying to settle into my new apartment, I was jobless, and bills were starting to come in. I took a job bartending in Avon, Ohio. Working at the bar provided for me financially, but where I was excelling with money, I was bankrupt in self-esteem and value. I was not in a good place, emotionally or spiritually.

Six months after leaving my ex-husband, I was craving LOVE. I knew I had failed God, had fallen away, and needed to be fixed, but because of my divorce, I had second thoughts about myself, my worth, and whether or not I had done the right thing.

One Sunday morning, I was listening to the radio and flipping stations in my car. I had just pulled into a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot and parked. I was about to step out of the car to get a cup of coffee and a bagel. I heard a man’s voice on the radio, and the only word I caught was, “…divorce.” It made me stop and listen to what he was saying.

The radio station was 103.3FM (WCRF in Cleveland, Ohio), and I was listening to a church sermon. My mother had played this station on the radio when my siblings and I were younger, so I was familiar with the station and their method of playing sermons from local churches to reach shut-ins and people who couldn’t make it to church. Neither reason applied to me. I was physically able to go to a church, but hadn’t decided which one. And let’s be honest, I wasn’t really seeking one either. My Saturday nights had been binge-drinking evenings, so my Sunday mornings really were Sunday afternoons…

Anyway, I was intrigued by this man’s voice. The pastor was sharing a story about how he had recently been approached by a newly divorced woman who was questioning whether or not God still loved her. After hearing that, he definitely had my attention!

This woman’s concern was that the Lord wouldn’t need her anymore because she had gotten a divorce and was broken. She was scared because she thought she would be viewed as a failure for not staying married. Again, my curiosity was piqued! I had been questioning the same things in my own heart!

To backpedal for a second, I had grown up in a church all of my life. I had seen how the church treated people who had been divorced, and people who had children out of wedlock. So, this woman in the pastor’s story about her fear of being rejected seemed reasonable and also mirrored my current dilemma. I really wanted to hear this pastor’s response.

The pastor was bothered as he sat with her and heard her pain. He said that he started thinking about how HE could help women who were/are going through divorces, but how he was limited (he was happily married and had never experienced divorce). As the proverbial light bulb went on above his head, he said he suddenly realized that sometimes God allows us to go through things so we can help others later. He could help this woman, but this divorcee would be able to reach other divorcees much more than he would!!

He explained to this wounded woman that though he was the pastor of a church, he would never be able to touch people’s lives the way she could, because he had never been “in her shoes”. She had gone through something he’d never experienced. He realized and helped this poor young woman realize that God would still love her and would use her in a way that she would be very familiar with. He said that God needs wounded healers because we can identify in ways other people can’t. And I thought, “He does still love me and He’s not done with me yet!”

I was spiritually broken, but desired more than anything to know that God still loved me, even though I had walked away from a marriage that He could’ve fixed.

I cried in my car for at least twenty minutes in the middle of a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot. In my heart, I had recently been wrestling with “being okay” in the presence of God, since I had chosen to leave my husband. I was scared about standing in front of God, knowing He discouraged divorce. I justified my action of leaving because there was no growth, no desire to grow emotionally together or with Christ, and I had felt so alone. I had felt so abandoned in my marriage. I was pretty sure God had written me off, and I was uncertain of my spiritual future.

However, after hearing this message on the radio, I was determined to find this church, listen to this pastor, re-establish my relationship with Jesus (I was a previous convert who had fallen away and embraced disobedience), and see how God could use me. My life was not over!

I’ve grown immensely in relationships since my divorce. I’ve also allowed Christ to heal my heart, where human failure had torn it in two. I’ve mentored others with my story, and I’ve stepped out in faith to lead a ministry that requires me to speak in front of others about the life-changing impact of Jesus’ life.

I currently mentor the young women housed at the Lorain County Detention Home in Elyria, Ohio, and it’s been such a fun journey for me to express my faith. God can use wounded healers to help heal others. If you’ve experienced something painful and scary, question it. Talk with God about it. Ask the hard questions, and read the Bible. Scripture reaffirmed me in places where I was definitely spiritually void. I learned of Christ’s love and forgiveness in a new way since my divorce, and I firmly believe God can use all of us, especially those of us who have walked dark paths. His redemption is real, and His love is never-ending.

I’m not sure exactly where my road leads now, but I definitely believe that God is present and loving. I know He is my judge, but also my Heavenly Father. He has me in the palm of His hand, and nothing can take me from that place….ever again.

My goal is to use this blog to examine some special times in my life, from my past and present. I write because I like to write. Sometimes writing out certain experiences helps me to see something differently, and if I can help you see Christ from a different perspective, then I am accomplishing my ultimate goal.

Thanks for reading, and be blessed!

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