Tag: Lost

Posted in Faith

On understanding forgiveness

Posted on by gracielynn

Forgiveness is not easy.

Yes, I know that’s an understatement.  In the life of a Christian, however, it should be easy.  I know…I know.  I can almost hear you beginning to protest.  The Bible talks about it constantly, so there is much to learn about the concept.  Also, Jesus came to Earth to show us that God loved us so much that He forgave us and redeemed us.

So, as Christ followers, why is forgiveness the bumpiest part of our path?  How do we overcome something that creates so many emotions in us?

I’d like to let you in on something I learned about, during my talk with God on my drive into work this morning.  It softened my heart (I actually felt warmth in my chest), and I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.  Believe me, even as I write, I’m still struggling to let go.  I know I want to give God my hurts, and He was pretty insistent at telling me to do so.  Yet my stubbornness is holding onto them currently.  Talk about fighting the flesh…

John 1:12 says, “Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.”

Source: gatheringlex.org

When we choose to accept God’s call on our lives, we enter into a relationship with God, through Jesus Christ (John 14:6).  We begin to walk in the newness of the Holy Spirit (Romans 7:4-6) and we shed the flesh (old desires, habits or anything that separates us from wanting to be obedient to Christ).  In doing so, we develop new habits.  We begin to see needs in others and we talk with God about how to meet them.  Then we physically follow through so that the lost can see who God is, and know that they are loved.

That is the profile of being a Christian.  Simply meeting others’ needs and sharing Christ’s love, forgiving and spreading His Word.  Nowhere in that description is there room for judgment, anger, bitterness, hatred or resentment.  However, as Christians, do we still feel these feelings and deal with roots of these emotions?  Absolutely. So, in thinking about forgiveness and my resistance to let go, I needed a perspective shift, and it was this morning that God brought to my mind the concept of enemies.

To those of us who have been wronged (go ahead, you may nod your head), we have held onto a thought, word, conversation, action or anything that justifies our anger and bitterness.  We may not even consciously do it.  But something triggers that emotion again when we see that person, or hear something that sounds like the comment that put the seed of bitterness into our hearts, and we are reminded all over again of the pain we felt.  In that instance, we tend to look at that person who hurt us as an enemy.

Here’s a twist: God looks at the concept of enemies differently.  Yes, they are still people who wrong us.  Anyone who is not a child of God, who has rejected His teachings, is considered an enemy to God.  Does this include people of other faiths, following rules and regulations that are not governed by our Heavenly Father?  Yes.  The hard reality is that God said Jesus would be the doorway, and He is the only door to God.

Referencing John 1:12 above, the criteria to be a friend (child, family member, son, daughter, etc.) of God is right there.  We need to believe Jesus is who He said He was and that He loves us.  We also know that because of our belief through faith in Jesus, and grace from God, we are His extended family.  The Bible says we are no longer enemies.  Anything apart from that means we would have remained an enemy to God.  This is a hard truth, I know, but please stay with me.

Paul wrote the following to the church in Colossus regarding our position with God.

“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.  But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation — if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.” (Colossians 1:21-23)

Source: trulyrichmom.com

Paul is addressing Christians who, after accepting the truth of the gospel, now are no longer enemies of God.  They (we) are now reconciled through Christ’s body and are asked to follow through with what God has called us to, until He returns.  It’s that simple.  This is the transition of enemies to children of God.

 

But what becomes of those who are Christ’s enemies?  The Bible states there are two places we go after we die: a place for those who love Him and a place for those who reject Him.  Heaven and Hell.  Both are two real places and both are not entered into, until we pass from life to death (or life to life, for a believer).

In this context, I feel a real urgency.

Because this means that if someone is not a friend of God’s, that they will pass from life to death, and never know Him.  This is a serious offense, and one that should be taken very seriously.  For those who are lost and unbelieving of who Jesus is, their fate is ultimately death.

And the insight God brought to my mind is that we can’t let these people perish.  It’s up to us to be the hands and feet of the gospel, so that everyone has the opportunity to accept or reject the truth.

So, what does this have to do with forgiveness?

In Matthew 5:14, Jesus tells all believers to go against their instincts of hate and rejection.  We are told to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Simple enough?  No way!  That’s easier said than done.  If you’re like me, you’re thinking, ‘Why should I be praying for them?  They’re jerks!’

Think about it this way.  Is God really concerned about the little fights/disagreements/injustices of our daily lives?  Yes, He does love us enough to love the intimate details that affect us.  But we already know where our inheritance is.  I think His goal for sharing this truth with me this morning, was to show me that their unsaved status is a little more important.  And that’s something I cannot argue with.

Source: betsyfromtennessee.blogspot.com

Any enemy of God is an enemy of ours, and we are not to reject them and give them what they deserve.  The lost may not be aware of their need for God yet, and we are to be the ones to help them.  If we’re rejecting them, we’re encouraging the lost to stay lost.  But maybe because of our injustices, we have an opportunity to show them that they are forgiven, which is not a reaction they will expect.

God showed me the bigger picture, which is this: While He is concerned for all believers and hurts for us when we are wronged; His goal isn’t to just make our lives better.  He is using our pain to help grow us in His character.  We are being asked to step out in faith, and show the person who wronged us the truth of the gospel by praying for them.

Their enemy status is not just against us.

It’s against Him.

Those who are not children of God may hate and reject us forever without any repercussion.  But if they hate and reject Jesus forever, their consequences are eternal.

I may be justifiably angry at being hurt or rejected, but the pain is ultimately Jesus’.

It’s not me they’re hurting the most.

Heck, it’s not even about me.

I’m not to seek revenge or stay the victim.  In Christ, I AM VICTORIOUS!  And not in a prideful way, but victorious in the sense that I have hope of eternal life because of what Jesus did for me.

I can overcome forgiveness issues if I keep the mindset forefront that God is primarily concerned with those who are His enemies.  He doesn’t wish anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9).

In light of eternity, is anything that was ever said/done worth losing someone over?

If it is, you may need to ask God to help soften your heart.  We as believers should never have the idea that we’re good to go, and that’s all that matters.

The hurting world around us is waiting to be shown the love and mercy of Christ.  Can you look past yourself to see them as an enemy of God, and that they need grace in every sense of the word, just like you did?  Let’s shift the perspective from ourselves and put them first.  The Holy Spirit will guide us to help those who have hurt us, and instead of festering hate and anger, He will begin to produce love and mercy.  It’s a win-win.  We get to let go of the pain and someone sees the light of the gospel.

Source: heritage-christian-university.blogspot.com

If you are a child of God, you are being called to step out of your comfort zone and love those who hate you.  You are being asked to lessen your pain and put Christ’s first.  It doesn’t mean your pain is any less worthy to be worked through.  It just means that you have the supernatural spiritual ability with Christ’s help to love someone when you feel you are unable to do so.  You are able to love and forgive, even in the midst of that pain.  Can you do that?  If not, I invite you to pray and talk to God about the root of bitterness that needs to be taken from your heart.

I promise you that you will flourish and love with Christ’s love in an amazing way!  Why hinder your own growth for someone else to rejoice over?  They may not even be aware of the pain they caused you.  Please let it go.

Posted in Faith, Family

Choices (part 2)

Posted on by gracielynn

Today, May 2nd, is an anniversary for me, and a sad one.  It is the day that the Cuyahoga County court gave my ex-husband and me, the divorce we wanted, five years ago.

Though I was the one to physically leave the home in November of 2006, my ex-husband was the one to file paperwork in January of  2007.  I had no idea what I was doing or how to go about the divorce/disillusionment.  I just wanted out.  He and I quickly agreed to terms (I let him keep the house because he had my dog, and I had moved to an apartment where I couldn’t have an animal), we split everything down the middle for the most part, I read through the first draft he gave me, questioned if there was any hope for us, and waited for the end date to come.  While I waited, I drank Miller Lite like it was going out of style.

When the day finally arrived, it was a Tuesday.  Thankfully I wasn’t present at the courthouse.  We were told only one of us had to go, and my ex volunteered.  I remember the day very well.  I was scheduled to tend bar that evening and had woken up late that day around 9am.  I didn’t even want to get out of bed.  I felt so anxious.

Finally my phone sang on the coffee table at the rental I was sharing with a roommate.  I don’t remember the exact time, but the words were in black and white.

The text read, “You’re free, have a nice life.”

 

 

I think that’s when I started shaking.  I, who had gotten sick of his verbal abuse and finally stood up to him, now all of a sudden had a shocking realization: I WAS COMPLETELY ALONE.

I had gone through moments since I’d moved out of the house, battling the confusion I had in my mind: thinking maybe we’d work things out, maybe I’d still have to chase him to bars, maybe we’d do counseling, maybe we’d have kids and they’d never know their father because he chose not to be home with me, maybe we’d learn to love each other again even though I was completely numb.  I believed anything was possible with God.  After all, I’d returned to church and felt renewed in my faith.

Yet, when the text came that alerted me to the freedom I’d prayed for so much, I shook with fear, thankfulness, timidity, joy, and anger.

At that moment, I freaked out.  Had I done the right thing?  Had I really disliked his behavior so much that I went against the commitment I had stated in front of God, family, friends??  Was this even allowed?  What if my selfishness at wanting to be away from him kept me from Heaven?  Doubt and fear consumed me, and I had never felt so scared in my life.  The battle in my mind continued for months.  And my behavior declined as I began to self-destruct.  

That is one time that Satan really had a hold on me.  I began doing drugs with the people who would come into the bar.  A lot of the patrons were not shy about their extracurricular activities, and I finally felt “FREE” so I had no one to answer to, but myself (or did I?).

I lied to almost everyone I met.  It became such a pattern, I couldn’t even keep the lies straight.  I called off of work just because I didn’t want to get out of bed.  When I did go to work, I went to my day job still hung over from the night before.  I was working two jobs to pay my bills, and more than anything, I just wanted to die.  I eventually got to a place where I was okay with my marital choice, but the shame I had caused in myself had overwhelmed me.

I met a man who I got along with really well.  We talked a lot, but I even lied to him, because I began drinking so much, that my life revolved around the bar scene and I couldn’t keep my days straight, my details, my lies, etc.  I was a wreck!!
I almost lost him.  My heart hurts as I remember the shock and heartache at him leaving.
I remember one morning that changed everything.  He and I would go to a place by the lake that only the two of us knew about.  We would go there to talk and listen to one another.  Our friendship had grown over a period of eight months, and we trusted each other (or so we thought).  When he showed up at my rental unannounced, and assumed something had happened (which hadn’t, but with my track record of lies, I’m not sure I would’ve believed me), he sped off.
I called off work (again) and took off in my car.  I went to the lake, and sure enough, found his car there.  I walked to our spot, and he was just sitting there, fuming.  I don’t think we talked for some time.  We just both stared at the water.  We didn’t sit near each other.

Eventually, we had to be real with each other.  We had become best friends, so we had to say something.  And finally we did.

We screamed, we argued, we cried, we laughed, we yelled some more.  But eventually, we broke.  We sat there holding each other, realizing our lives were both complete messes and we had to make some serious decisions if we were going to take our relationship further.

We made a verbal commitment to each other to get rid of all the things in our lives that made us less of who we were meant to be.

We vowed to never do drugs again (and I can proudly say I haven’t SINCE), and we promised each other that we would contact one another if we ended up in a sticky situation that could turn ugly.

We became accountable to each other, and love blossomed where disgusting darkness once lived.  Where I felt Satan holding on tightly to my disobedience to God, his grip began to loosen as I began to stare into the darkness without fear.

I dove into Bible study.  I slowly pulled away from the bar scene.  I had already quit my job as a bartender, I just had to stop going to the bar on the days that I felt bored.  I prayed that God would transform my mind, as I believed Scripture says in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  I became more aware of my decisions and my choices.

I realized that just because a peer wanted to do something, didn’t mean it was right, and I was free to say NO if I wanted.

I also attended a bible study at my church which was based on the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  

The truths that were provided in that book helped me realize that I did have a voice, I could make my own decisions, and not everything I did had to end in shame/regret.

I began to protect my body, my mind and my heart.  I recommitted my life to Jesus Christ and walked away from a lot of the temptations that used to have a hold on me.  I’m still a work in progress, but where sexual sin used to abound, it no longer even entices me.  Satan lost the battle on that one.

My best friend stayed close to me, believed in me, and began to go to my church with me.  His eyes were opened to the truth of the gospel too, and he recommitted his life to God as well.  He changed his harmful behavior and let the Lord open up his heart to the idea of loving again, knowing this time it would be reciprocated.  We made choices that benefited our own lives, but also each others’ lives.  We gave God complete control of our lives, and learned to step back and wait for His response in certain situations.  The love that blossomed from the ugliness of our pasts grew into a full-blown relationship, dating season, engagement and now a new marriage.

I trust no other man as much as I trust my husband. He has seen me at my worst, and never rejected me. He loved me when I felt unworthy. He endured watching me let go of “old Grace” and rejoiced with me when I was able to get my license back, name cleared, a new job, new car and a new home. He stood by me when I thought all hope was lost, and he provided constant attention and encouragement. He is such a remarkable human being.

I catch myself staring at my husband every day and in my mind, I let myself go back to one of my old memories. When he asks me what I’m thinking about, I just reply, “You” and we both smile.

I wish every wife would take a moment to look deep into the eyes of the man they married, and remember the newness of meeting him, getting to know him, and falling in love with him. Initial feelings of lust do subside, but the longevity of love, trust and commitment can withstand time. With time, comes familiarity and a closeness that bonds us together so incredibly. And with Jesus at the helm, we are accomplishing much.

Though I divorced my first husband and felt guilt at leaving a then-hopeless marriage, could it have been saved?  Knowing what I know now about the power of God, my answer is yes.  Yet, I live in the present.  That time is gone.

I did have to forgive myself for not believing God could restore what my ex and I had broken.  I had to learn to love myself again and see myself the way God does, covered in the robes of Jesus’ righteousness.  I will not rejoice that my first marriage is over, but will continue to pray for my ex-husband that he sees the need for God in his life, that he surrenders to him, so that maybe we can see each other again when this life is over (who knows, maybe even before).

And for now, I’ll be happy with the choices that brought me Kevin’s love, and the desire to know my Lord more.

Every disgusting memory I had in my old life is blurry, every unfathomable scene that haunted my mind in fear of losing God’s grace is gone, every lie that Satan told me has been conquered with the truth of the gospel.  

I’m not indestructible.  I’d like to say that I conquered sin, but that was Jesus’ job, not mine.  I know now to put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6) to fend off the darkness that consumes us even though we can’t see it.  We are at war with the unseen, in a struggle for power over our souls, and I am not letting Satan have me.  God claimed me long ago, and I am now strong enough to stand under His protection.  My choices now are to accept my past faults that led me to a new life in Christ, accept the forgiveness for my sin and the redemption of my life from my Heavenly Father who fought for me, and accept the outpouring of love from a man who overwhelms me with his adoration.

Posted in Faith

Letter to the empty

Posted on by gracielynn

Dear [insert your name here],
That empty feeling you have inside of you is because there IS something missing in your life…it is SOMEONE and that person cannot be seen with the naked eye.  However, His Spirit can be felt in the soul and His peace, love, mercy and grace is yours for the taking.  Pointing fingers and placing blame is a way of deflecting the act of actually dealing with yourself.  Not dealing with your own pain only hurts you.  And expecting other people to feel the same hatred/bitterness you do, is wrong.  It is a way of controlling them, NOT LOVING THEM.  Seek God and turn away from the selfishness in your life.  You will be released from the pain/pressure/fear you’ve been dealing with, and you can start a new life with His peace and His love (notice it’s not yours, because true peace and true love can only come from God).

The Bible promises we will never be plucked from His hand. But the first step is always the hardest.

That is why I am praying for you.  Forgiveness is a process, but it is necessary for release of our own pain.  By being bitter, you’re only hurting yourself.  And the Bible says it ages us.  It can steal years from your life.  I’m asking you not to die early over anger.  Release your hurt and give it to Jesus.  True forgiveness comes from Him, and revenge is never an option, because forgiveness means letting go.

It doesn’t change the past, but it does promise hope for the future.

Since the beginning of our lives, we all were born into sin and cannot escape its grip on our life.  Because of sin, there is a chasm between us and God that we cannot fix.  If you die with that space between you and the Lord of the Universe, that chasm and space will be there forever, and you will be alone.

But know this: there is ONE who has conquered SIN AND DEATH. God’s Son Jesus Christ came down from Heaven, lived a sinless life and became the sacrificial lamb who would bear our sins, die OUR DEATH, and be resurrected through the power of God, so that sin and death could no longer hold us.  And because of that demonstration of selfless love, we are able to reach God by ourselves, through Jesus, with no need for an intercessor.  The cross He hung on, becomes the bridge in the chasm, to a loving relationship with Your Creator.

Your Heavenly Father HAS made a way for you to be in His presence.  Please don’t waste away time and the life He has give you here on Earth.  Take the step of faith to believe in His Word and give yourself peace and freedom from worry and despair, by turning to the Lord and asking for His gift of LIFE.  It costs just one hopeless, broken and weary life.  It’s okay to take the mask off and hand it over.

Believing in Jesus is the only way to true freedom.  Forgiving when someone wrongs us, is the first step to actually healing, and though there may not be immediate justice in your mind, things will begin to change in your heart and through Christ, you will be able to accept that person again and love will fill the place in your heart where the hurt used to be.

I’m sharing these truths simply because I’ve lived through them myself, and what I couldn’t do on my own, Christ did, and I now am grudge-free and thankful for a place in God’s Kingdom.  I don’t deserve anything either, but that’s the beauty of grace.  It is completely undeserved.

Everything that happens down here on Earth will affect us.  We have emotions for a reason.  But if we learn to forgive when we don’t feel like forgiving, we’ll release ourselves, and we’ll speak to a watching world about the power of God and what His love truly means.  The choice is yours.  In time, I pray you will surrender.

Love, Gracie

Posted in Faith

Hey there…how are ya?

Posted on by gracielynn

Hello all…this is my first blog and I just want to say hi and thanks for stopping by. The majority of my writings here will be for self-reflection and to see how God has been a part of my life.  Some days I like to look back and see the road that I’ve traveled.

Currently I’m 29-years old and living in an apartment in North Olmsted, Ohio.  A ruined marriage by both parties due to lack of maturity and lack of commitment led me to making life decisions I thought I’d never make and choosing to drown myself in lack of reality.  I also wandered quite far from the safety net of being under Christ and learned some of the repercussions of having done so.  Thankfully God didn’t leave me in the pit where I put myself. 🙂

I was reading the book of Philippians in February and was awakened to verses 12 and 13.  Growing up in a Christian home, I knew Philippians 4:13 by heart.  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  However, I had never paid attention to the preceding verse, about being content-knowing what it  is to “have plenty” and knowing what it is to be “in want”.  That made me stop and think a bit.

I’m glad I did.

I would’ve missed the statements that I am allowed to claim for myself.  (And you too…)

I have been in both situations ever since I left my ex-husband.  God has never failed me.  I am claiming these verses because I know very well that I’m undeserving of Christ’s love and forgiveness, but HE STILL LOVES ME.  AND He still wants to use me.  It took some time for me to realize this.  I’ll explain below.

A defining moment in my spiritual understanding came around March 2007.  I had been laid off from a medical billing company in Middleburg Heights due to “lack of work” a week after leaving my husband.  Trying to settle into my new apartment, I was jobless and bills were starting to come in.  I took a job bartending in Avon, Ohio.  Working at the bar provided for me financially, but where I was excelling with money, I was bankrupt in self-esteem and value.  I was not in a good place, emotionally or spiritually.

Six months after leaving my ex-husband, I was craving LOVE.  I knew I had failed God, had fallen away and needed to be fixed, but because of my divorce, I had second thoughts about myself, my worth and whether or not I had done the right thing.

One Sunday morning, I was listening to the radio and flipping stations in my car.  I had just pulled into a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot and parked.  I was about to step out of the car to go get a cup of coffee and a bagel.  I heard a man’s voice on the radio, and the only word I caught was, “…divorce.”  It made me stop and listen to what he was saying.

The radio station was 103.3FM (WCRF in Cleveland, Ohio) and I was listening to a church sermon.  My mother had played this station on the radio when I and my siblings were younger, so I was familiar with the station and their method of playing sermons from local churches to reach shut-ins and people who couldn’t make it to church.  Neither reason applied to me.  I was physically able to go to a church, but hadn’t decided which one.  And let’s be honest, I wasn’t really seeking one either.  My Saturday nights had been binge-drinking evenings, so my Sunday mornings really were Sunday afternoons…

Anyway, I was intrigued by this man’s voice.  The pastor was sharing a story about how he had recently been approached by a newly divorced woman who was questioning whether or not God still loved her.  After hearing that, he definitely had my attention!

This woman’s concern was that the Lord wouldn’t need her anymore because she had gotten a divorce and was broken.  She was scared because she thought she would be viewed as a failure for not staying married.  Again, my curiosity was piqued!  I had been questioning the same things in my own heart!

To backpedal for a second, I had grown up in a church all of my life.  I had seen how the church treated people who had been divorced, and people who had children out of wedlock.  So, this woman in the pastors’ story about her fear of being rejected seemed reasonable and also mirrored my current dilemma.  I really wanted to hear this pastor’s response.

The pastor was bothered as he sat with her and heard her pain.  He said that he started thinking about how HE could help women who were/are going through divorces, but how he was limited (he was happily married and had never experienced divorce).  As the proverbial light bulb went on above his head, he said he suddenly realized that God allows us to go through certain things, so we can take our pain and use the redemption process to prove God’s love in our painful stories.  This woman would be able to reach another divorcee much more than he would!!

He explained to this wounded woman, that though he was the pastor of a church, he would never be able to touch peoples’ lives the way she could, because he had never been “in her shoes”.  She had gone through something he’d never experience.  He realized and helped this poor young woman realize that God needs and uses ALL of us, especially those of us who are broken, because we all have something to offer His people.  He said that God needs wounded healers because we can identify in ways other people can’t.  And I thought, “THAT’S ME!  I want to be a wounded healer!”

I was spiritually broken, but desired more than anything to know that God still loved me, even though I had walked away from a marriage that He could’ve fixed.  I chose to walk away for my own safety and out of hope for a better life.

I cried in my car for at least twenty minutes in the middle of a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot.  In my heart, I had recently been wrestling with “being okay” in the presence of God, since I had chosen to leave my husband.  I was scared about standing in front of God, knowing He discouraged divorce.  I justified my action of leaving because there was no growth, no desire to grow emotionally together or with Christ, and I had felt so alone.  I was pretty sure God had written me off, and I was uncertain of my spiritual future.

However, after hearing this message on the radio, I was determined to find this church, listen to this pastor, re-establish my relationship with Jesus (I was a previous convert who had fallen away and embraced disobedience), and see how God could use me.  My life was not over!

I’ve grown immensely in relationships since my divorce.  I’ve also allowed Christ to heal my heart where human failing had torn it in half.  I’ve mentored other people with my story and I’ve stepped out in faith into a ministry that forces me to speak in front of other people about the life-changing life of Jesus.

I mentor to the young women housed at the Lorain County Detention Home in Elyria and it’s been such a fun journey for me to express my faith and it’s also a great stepping stone to see the faces of the hopeful.  God can use wounded healers to help heal others.  If you’ve experienced something that was painful and scary, question it.  Talk with God about it.  Ask the hard questions, and read the Bible.  Scripture reaffirmed me in places I was definitely spiritually void.  I learned of Christ’s love and forgiveness in a new way since my divorce, and I firmly believe God can use all of us, especially those of us who have walked dark paths.  His redemption is real and His love neverending.

I’m not sure exactly where my road leads now, but I definitely believe that God is present and loving.  I know He is my judge, but also my Heavenly Father.  He has me in the palm of His hand, and nothing can take me from that place….ever again.

My goal is to use this blog to examine some special times in my life, from my past and present.  I write because I like to write.  Sometimes writing out certain experiences helps me to see something differently, and if I can help you see Christ from a different perspective, than I am accomplishing my ultimate goal.

Thanks for reading, and be blessed!